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[car] Laws We’re All Sick Of People Breaking

By Erik Germ


I can’t be the only one. The only guy who sits in his car seething for 70% of every drive he makes wishing every other motorist on the road was dead. Sure, it’s unhealthy to think that way and the unnecessary stress will send me to an early grave…but come on! I’m an important man. I have places to be! Not really, though. Most of the time, I’m in no kind of rush. But I’ll just look out the window from my car and watch people break the law. I’ve never wished I was an undercover cop more than when I’m in my car. Here’s a list of laws I’m sick of people breaking. I know I can’t be the only one.

Sections 75-3313(d) and 75-3301(b) of the Uniform Vehicle Code

Also known as the god damn passing lane.

The Uniform Vehicle Code states

Upon all roadways any vehicle proceeding at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place and under the conditions then existing shall be driven in the right-hand lane then available for traffic

Which basically means “If you’re slow, keep it in the right lane.” How many times have you been in the situation pictured above? Nobody in front of either car but they’re both going the same speed which is not the speed limit clearly posted every couple of miles. You can’t go anywhere. You’re stuck. Tailgating is illegal, throwing bottles at their back windshield is out of the question and all of a sudden, you’re an asshole if you shoot out their tires. This is one of my biggest pet peeves on the road. I know I’m not alone. Every so often, I’ll catch a glimpse in my rear view mirror of someone throwing up their arms in disgust at the speed we’re forced to go. It makes me feel like we’re in an exclusive club of hatred.

Section 3323 (a) – Intersections controlled by signs.

Also known as Yield

Easy enough:

Preferential right-of-way at an intersection may be indicated by stop signs or yield signs as authorized in section 6124 (relating to erection of traffic-control devices at intersections).

Motorists act like they’ve never seen that sign before. It’s especially bad getting onto a highway. I’ll be making the left hand turn into the lane where I’ll have the right-of-way…and I’ll just see a motherfucker down the road speeding towards his right hand turn onto the highway. I’ll know…I’ll just fucking know he’s going to be the kind of asshole who will speed through the yield sign to beat me. Funny thing is, if I don’t slow down, an accident will almost definitely happen. Sure, I have my line ready for if that ever happens. First thing I’ll say out of the car…”ummmmm…did you not SEE the yield sign??” But unfortunately, that line means nothing if I’m dead. So I have to watch these assholes speed past and take the glory of arriving on the highway .6 seconds before I do. Congratulations, asshole.

While we’re on the subject, how about…

3542 – Right-of-way of pedestrians in crosswalks.

Also known as: pedestrian crossing

I traveled to Maine a few years ago. There was a delightful little shop across Main Street in Ogunquit that I wanted to check out. In Philly, I will stand on the side of the crosswalk and wait for a gap in traffic, lest I wander into the street and get mowed down. But in Maine…something magical happened: A man saw me at the crosswalk and stopped his car to let me cross. I was confused. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, is it? People follow the rules and let a person walk across the street? I didn’t know what to do. I walked up to the car and offered him some money but he just smiled and said, “Welcome to Maine, son.” He then drove off. I just want everyone reading to know…this is the way it’s supposed to be. You shouldn’t have to play frogger every time you want to cross a fucking street. I wondered what was different in Miane than Philadelphia and I think I figured it out…which brings me to my next point.

SUBCHAPTER C – Section: 3541 (b)

Also known as Jaywalking

The legal definition I found reads like this:

Local authorities by ordinance may require pedestrians to obey traffic and pedestrian-control signals relating to traffic-control signals.

Simple enough…just don’t cross the street until you’re signaled to do so. No one in Philadelphia does it. It’s common sense! Why is that so hard for snot-nosed little teenagers to understand? I really wish I could tag each of them and wait until they get their licenses, then find them at a stop light and dance in front of their car until it changes. I guess some think it’s funny to walk in front of cars. Others are just straight up ignorant. Some are completely oblivious and will probably get killed from not paying attention. These scumbags really need to get a clue. I’ve seen some angry motorists.  I always feel like these jaywalkers are one mentally unbalanced motorist away from becoming a puddle in the street.


And finally….

SUBCHAPTER B – Section 3521: Applicability of traffic laws to motorcycles

Also known as motorcyclist are fucking assholes

I don’t own a motorcycle. I don’t know all the rules and regs. So when I looked up motorcycle law here in Pennsylvania, I was all to shocked to see this:

Every person operating a motorcycle shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of any other vehicle

What does all that mean? Well…it means you’re to treat a motorcycle like any other vehicle. You’re supposed to follow the god damn rules. Look, no one likes to be stuck in traffic. But all men are created equal. We all have equal rights, we all have rules to follow. We’re all in this together. So tell me…who the fuck gave motorcyclists the new set of rules where they don’t have to obey traffic laws. I see it almost every god damn day: we’re all stuck in traffic and ZOOM! Out from the back of the heap, a motorcyclist rides down the shoulder or between vehicles…something a normal car could never dream of. It’s a fucking travesty.

I can’t wait for jetpacks.

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